a choice or a mistake?

Manusia tidak pernah lepas dari yang namanya pilihan. Sebuah pilihan itu bisa jadi tepat, tapi bisa juga salah. Saat kita memilih, maka kita harus menjalani pilihan itu. Apa yang sudah kita pilih, walaupun belum tentu benar atau salah, tetap saja harus kita jalani.

Kadang pilihan yang kita ambil tepat, tapi lebih sering lagi kita salah dalam memilih. Sebenarnya salahpun tidak apa-apa. Toh manusia hidup memang untuk berbuat salah dan memperbaikinya.. Di dunia ini tidak ada manusia yang tidak pernah melakukan kesalahan. Yang perlu kita lakukan adalah menyadari kesalahan dan berusaha lebih baik lagi kedepannya.

Tapi,, bagaimana dengan orang-orang yang terus jatuh dikesalahan yang sama? Bagaimana kalau kita sendiri yang memilih untuk melakukan kesalahan yang sama berkali-kali? Bagaimana jika kita sudah tahu bahwa kita salah tapi malah meneruskannya? Tidak mau berhenti. Bukankah kita sudah tahu bahwa kesalahan akan berakibat fatal? Tapi kenapa masih tidak mau mengalah?

Memang sangat baik ketika kita berpegang teguh pada keputusan atau pilihan kita. Tapi,, bukankah egois ketika kita sudah tahu salah tapi tidak mau menyerah? Entah apa yang kita pikirkan saat melakukan kesalahan yang sama.. Sudah tahu salah, tetapi tetap keras kepala.. Jatuh dikesalahan yang sama itu seperti membaca lagi buku yang kita sudah tahu bagaimana endingnya! Kita tahu persis apa yang akan terjadi pada akhirnya tapi masih saja berusaha keras.

Kalau sudah tahu akan seperti itu, kenapa kita masih terus melakukan kesalahan yang sama? Pada akhirnya yang paling terluka adalah kita sendiri juga. Apa kita tidak menyayangi diri kita sendiri? Tapi, kembali lagi. Kita yang menentukan pilihan kita. Apa yang kita pilih harus kita jalani. Dan akibatnya nanti harus kita tanggung..

 "Kalau jatuh berkali-kali dikesalahan yang sama berarti kita yang memilih untuk melakukannya"

Happy birthday to you :)

May 6, 2013


Today is your birthday, and I really want to congratulate you in person, but I just cant make it. 

I wish the best for you.. Hope you have a birthday that's as special as you are! I hope your Birthday is awesome, wonderful, full of love and laughter... just like you! May your Birthday be blessed with everything God wants to give you!

Hari ulang tahun

May 6, 2013

Kemarin, setelah lama tidak bertemu dengan dia, akhirnya bisa bertemu juga. Padahal aku sudah berpikir untuk melupakan dia. Tapi di saat aku mulai melupakan dia, aku malah bertemu dengannya. Saat bertemu kemarin, dia seolah muncul didepan wajahku dan mengatakan "Selamat yah, yang tidak jadi move on".... hahahahaha.... Aku sadar bahwa aku masih menyukainya..

Sebenarnya aku ingin melupakannya, tapi aku malah bertemu dengan dia.. Aku sempat berpikir tidak ingin lagi bertemu dengannya, tapi dia masih sering ke bandung. Tapi kemudian aku berpikir lagi, apakah benar aku tidak ingin bertemu dengannya lagi? Atau itu cuma alasan yang aku buat untuk diriku sendiri agar aku bisa cepat melupakannya. Seperti pengecut saja.. 

Jika aku benar-benar ingin melupakannya, seharusnya aku bisa menanggung segala resiko yang ada. Kalaupun dia kebandung, kalaupun akhirnya kita masih bertemu lagi, aku harus bisa menerima kenyataan itu.

Hari ini dia ulang tahun dan jujur saja, aku ingin menyelamati dia secara langsung, tapi dia sudah kembali ke jakarta.. hahahahahahahaha....

Moving on? Its not as easy as I thought

May 5, 2013

Some weeks I'm trying to move on from someone. That guy is very special for me. I have liked him for almost three years. Since the beginning, I really like him and it feels so hard to get over him. For me, he's really hard to forget.

At the beginning of 2013 he moved to another city. He had graduated from college anyway. I think it would be very difficult to forget him, but I keep trying. And finally I forget him. After a long time, I finally move on. I never thought it could be that easy. 

But in fact, it happen because we haven't meet for a long time. And today, after a long time I finally met him. Guess what?? I'm not totally get over him. When I saw him, I realized that I really miss him. I realized that some part of me still wants him. I dont know why, but the fact is I still love him, and it's really kill me that I cant have him. Its hard to pretend that I dont care when the fact is I still care about him.

I just realized, move on is not as easy as I thought

Cicicuitttt...

You're so very special

ME ME ME

There Are Worse Things I Could Do - Grease

There are worse things I could do,
Than go with a boy or two.
Even though the neighborhood thinks I'm trashy,
And no good,
I suppose it could be true,
But there are worse things I could do.

I could flirt with all the guys,
Smile at them and bat my eyes.
Press against them when we dance,
Make them think they stand a chance,
Then refuse to see it through.
That's a thing I'd never do.

I could stay home every night,
Wait around for Mr. Right.
Take cold showers every day,
And throw my life away,
On a dream that won't come true.

I could hurt someone like me,
Out of spite or jealousy.
I dont steal and I dont lie,
But I can feel and I can cry.
A fact I'll bet you never knew.
But to cry in front of you,
That's the worse thing I could do.

Mean - Taylor Swift

You, with your words like knives
And swords and weapons that you use against me
You have knocked me off my feet again
Got me feeling like I'm nothing
You, with your voice like nails on a chalkboard
Calling me out when I'm wounded
You picking on the weaker man

You can take me down with just one single blow
But you don't know, what you don't know...

Someday I'll be living in a big ol' city
And all you're ever gonna be is mean
Someday I'll be big enough so you can't hit me
And all you're ever gonna be is mean
Why you gotta be so mean?

You, with your switching sides
And your wildfire lies and your humiliation
You have pointed out my flaws again
As if I don't already see them
I walk with my head down
Trying to block you out 'cause I'll never impress you
I just wanna feel okay again

I bet you got pushed around
Somebody made you cold
But the cycle ends right now
'Cause you can't lead me down that road
And you don't know, what you don't know...

Someday I'll be living in a big ol' city
And all you're ever gonna be is mean
Someday I'll be big enough so you can't hit me
And all you're ever gonna be is mean
Why you gotta be so mean?

And I can see you years from now in a bar
Talking over a football game
With that same big loud opinion
But nobody's listening
Washed up and ranting about the same old bitter things
Drunk and grumbling on about how I can't sing
But all you are is mean

All you are is mean
And a liar, and pathetic, and alone in life
And mean, and mean, and mean, and mean

But someday I'll be living in a big ol' city
And all you're ever gonna be is mean, yeah
Someday I'll be big enough so you can't hit me
And all you're ever gonna be is mean
Why you gotta be so?..

Someday I'll be living in a big ol' city (Why you gotta be so?..)
And all you're ever gonna be is mean (Why you gotta be so?..)
Someday I'll be big enough so you can't hit me (Why you gotta be so?..)
And all you're ever gonna be is mean
Why you gotta be so mean?

Cry - Kelly Clarkson

If anyone asks,
I'll tell them we both just moved on
When people all stare
I'll pretend that I don't hear them talk
Whenever I see you,
I'll swallow my pride
and bite my tongue
Pretend I'm okay with it all
Act like there's nothing wrong

Is it over yet?
Can I open my eyes?
Is this as hard as it gets?
Is this what it feels like to really cry?
Cry

If anyone asks,
I'll tell them we just grew apart
Yeah what do I care
If they believe me or not
Whenever I feel
Your memory is breaking my heart
I'll pretend I'm okay with it all
Act like there's nothing wrong

Is it over yet?
Can I open my eyes?
Is this as hard as it gets?
Is this what it feels like to really cry?
Cry

I'm talking in circles
I'm lying, they know it
Why won't this just all go away

Is it over yet?
Can I open my eyes?
Is this as hard as it gets?
Is this what it feels like to really cry?
Cry
Cry

Pergi, Hilang, Jauh...

Cinta............
Pergi...........Hilang..........Jauh............,
meninggalkan luka tanpa rasa bersalah
Hilang entah kemana....
Aku terlalu lelah untuk mencari dimana ada cinta
Aku bahkan tidak pernah benar-benar mengerti apa itu cinta...
Setiap kali aku mulai mencintai, cinta itu pergi, hilang, jauh,
tanpa ada penjelasan yang pasti